OPERATION: Find Haruhi Suzumiya a Boyfriend!
by ako.25
Summary: "When Haruhi starts focusing on her love life, this brings an all new kind of hell to the rest of the brigade!"
1. Just Another Regular Intro

Hey, it's me! **Haruhi Suzumiya! **Geez, it's been a long time since of felt like this. I mean, I don't really know what it feels like to like someone. Since every guy I've ever gone on a date with completely FAILED. But with Kyon, it's… it's so different. I feel like he wants the same exact things I want! I want things to be beyond EXTRAORDINARY! I want a relationship where everything, every day, every word, is DIFFERENT! But of course, I can't simply TELL him that! He needs to work if he wants me. I mean… doesn't every boy want me? 'Cause it sure seems that way. I've also been picking up some odd things from Koizumi… I wonder if he wants me, too! Haha! Now that the S.O.S. Brigade has really, or sorta, taken off, I can start thinking about normal girl stuff! Like boys and relationships! So this is officially, "OPERATION: FIND HARUHI SUZUMIYA A BOYFRIEND!" I better go tell the rest of the Brigade! Later!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1: <strong>"A Shocked Brigade! Twist in Emotions?"

As always, Yuki sat quietly with her blank face glued to a book, Koizumi patiently waited for Haruhi, Mikuru oddly fell asleep, and I was stuck being bored. Though, I always wondered. Does Nagato have a certain kind of book she likes to read? Has she really developed emotions, at all? I mean, for a humanoid interface, she must be pretty smart. So I bet she could pick things up like that. "H-Hey, Nagato," I softly spoke, trying hard not to wake a sleeping Miss Asahina sitting next me. "Yes?" Yuki asked lifting her head. "Where do 'ya think Haruhi is?" "Oh, Miss Suzumiya? She said she'd be late, but she should be here any moment now," Koizumi said while smiling and checking his watch. "I didn't ask you…" I mumbled under his breath. Mikuru is so cute when she's sleeping. "HEY, EVERYBODY!" Haruhi suddenly bursted in and yelled. "Ahh!" Mikuru screamed, lifting her head off the table. "Oh, Mikuru! I have a new outfit for you!" Haruhi began to dig something out of her bag. Now, I don't normally condone, or accept, what Haruhi does to Mikuru, but she does look really cute in those outfits.

"But… Miss Haruhi! Th-This is a little revealing…" Mikuru whimpered. I just stared at the super-revealing maid outfit Haruhi had picked for Mikuru. "Oh, C'MON! Try it on!" Koizumi and I headed out as Haruhi started to undress and re-dress Mikuru. "So, Kyon," Koizumi said. "So, Koizumi," I said back. "I'm pretty sure you know why Miss Suzumiya is all hyped up, right?" Koizumi asked with an annoying smile. "Yeah, because she bought a bunch of new outfits to exploit Miss Asahina with." I slashed at him. You know, sometimes Koizumi can be a LITTLE annoying. "No, no. The North High Dance is soon, and Miss Suzumiya was hoping someone would take her, this year," Koizumi acted like he knew EVERYTHING. It pisses me off. "Oh, so did she get a date?" "You know, Miss Suzumiya tells me everything," he boasted. "_He completely ignored me!" _I thought to myself. "Is that so?" I asked reluctantly. Koizumi suddenly looked at me with smirk. "… Are you jealous?" Koizumi asked me. "What? Why on earth would I be jealous?"

Koizumi then started to circle me. He glared at me with a threatening vibe. "C'mon now, Kyon. We both know what you're hiding… They way you pretend to hate all of these weird happenings," What? I didn't get it, at all. And I'm usually not the oblivious one! "I mean," he continued. "… we even had a whole movie about it…" "_That is true…" _I thought. "Just what are you getting at, Koizumi?" I asked circling him, while he was circling me. Then suddenly, "WE'RE DONE!" Haruhi suddenly screamed from the club room.


	2. A Shocked Kyon!

As we both walked into class, we saw an adorable Miss Asahina in a quite revealing maid cosplay. Her skin was shown just about everywhere. And basically the only place covered, was her stomach. "You like?" Haruhi asked with a grin. "She's 'Misaki' from _'Kaichou wa Maid-sama!'_" Haruhi really didn't get the hint that Mikuru did not like the idea of being her little play toy. "You look very nice," Koizumi said with a friendly smile. "Th-Thank you..." Mikuru blushed. "The REAL style of that maid costume, didn't really catch Mikuru's essence, so I got THIS ONE instead!" Haruhi then started to laugh like a weird psycho. "Anyways," Haruhi started as she stood up in front of all of us. Now **THIS **I gotta hear. Haruhi? Suzumiya? Making a **normal** announcement? I was ready to shout 'B.S!' at just about any moment.

"I want to tell everyone my amazing plan!" Haruhi started writing on the whiteboard. **"****計画：涼宮ハルヒのためのボーイフレンド****!"** Everyone cocked their heads to the side. My eyes widened._"COULD IT BE?" _I thought. _"KOIZUMI WAS ACTUALLY RIGHT?" _The board read, "Operation: Find Haruhi Suzumiya a Boyfriend!" I-I mean, anyone would suspect that she'd be just a tad embarrassed or at least blushing if she were to ask us to find her a guy, but n-no! She stayed exactly the same! She stood there, all 'happy-go-lucky' with a huge grin, and her hands on her hips. "I think that's a great idea, Miss Suzumiya,"Koizumi said. "Don't you think so too?" He asked me with a smirk you couldn't see unless you squinted really hard.

"Why do you want a boyfriend so badly, now?" Mikuru asked sweetly as her orange-pinkish hair shined in the sunlight peeking through the shades of the clubroom. I couldn't help but gaze at her. "I just want to know what it feels like to have one. And he's going to take me to the North High Dance coming up." "Oh, okay!" She smiled. I pushed my chair back with my feet to take a look at Yuki. "S-So Nagato.. You up for this plan?" I asked her. But her eyes were still glued to her book. "Affirmative. I will do all I can to search through my resources to find Miss Suzumiya's partner," She said with an emotionless tone of voice. "Okay, then." **"SO IT'S SETTLED! 'OPERATION: FIND HARUHI SUZUMIYA A BOYFRIEND!' IS A GO!" **


	3. This is different?

It's been about 4 days now since Haruhi made her big announcement, and I _still_ can't believe it. ...Well, in a way, I can, but still. Either Haruhi's gone completely bonkers, or this is one of those "we're-in-another-closed-space-where-weird-things-happen" days. But... no! This is **real! **When me and Haruhi were unfortunately alone in the clubroom, I asked, "Uh, Haruhi?"

"Huh? What is it, Kyon?" Haruhi asked. "I've got a lot of things to do."

Uh huh. That's why you're just standing there, staring out the window like a freak, right? Gimme a break. I held back my irritation and asked, "Why the sudden need for a boyfriend? I mean, I know you want a date for the dance, but can't you just blackmail someone again? Or how about just going with Koizumi? I'm sure he'd be more than happy to-" Suddenly, Haruhi slammed both her hands on the table infront of me. She glared at me like there was no tomorrow.

"...Listen, Kyon," she started with a serious voice. "It's not just about having a date. I can get a date whenever I want. This. Is. Different." She moved her face closer to mine as I stay speehless at her determination. I mean, she was _always_ determined... but right now... as she tells me what she wants with all that passion in her voice, I can't help but give into what this "God" wants.

"Well, could you at least tell me what makes it 'different'?"

"UGH!" She yelled as she lifted her hands from the top of the table, and firmly placed them on her hips. "NO! Then the plan would be RUINED!" Plan? Okay. Now, I'm officially scared.

"P-Plan?" I stuttered. Haruhi smirked.

"Oh, Kyon. You ask too many questions."


	4. Setting Up the Audition!

Haruhi told me and Koizumi to stand outside of the clubroom again as she discussed some more details about the.. operation.. to Miss Asahina and Nagato. _I wonder what they could be talking about? _I thought to myself without trying to make it too obvious to Koizumi. Koizumi pressed his back up against the wall opposite from me, giving me a weird smile. _Okay. Weird.. _I thought. Suddenly, Koizumi started to speak in his calm, smooth voice.

** Kyon's sidenote: **This is _not_ a Yaoi story. Hell-to-the-no.

"So, Kyon," Koizumi said as he flipped his hair. "We seem to be alone in these empty hallways, yet again."

"Are we gonna have an awkward conversation about my feelings, again?" I asked as I raised my eyebrow and crossed my arms.

"No, no, no," Koizumi chuckled. "...not unless you want to." Okay. That sounded like an internet-creeper line. What's his deal, though? He's been starting up conversations with me everywhere. And not his usual chat topics, either. On my way to class, in the lunch room, even during those crazy field trips with Haruhi and the rest of the Brigade. He starts up the chat, builds it up to the climax, then drops it.

"...well, I don't."

"Okay, that's all I needed to hear." He just continued to smile. It was kinda creepy. Suddenly, I heard Haruhi call us from the clubroom. "Looks like Miss Suzumiya is calling us back inside."

"Yeah, I know." I put one of my hands in my pocket, and I opened the door. Expecting to see Miss Asahina in a revealing cosplay, I made sure to scan the room entirely. But no, she was just wearing her usual maid cosplay. ...Although it was still cute.

"Everyone, your attention, PLEASE!" Haruhi pointed to the board where a piece of paper was taped onto it. I squinted at it because the letters were so tiny. They must've been written by Miss Asahina.. She's so cute~ "To start off my boyfriend search, we'll be having a audition! I want to see who's fit and qualified enough to be my boyfriend slash date! Kyon, you'll be the note-taker. Whatever I say I like in a guy, you write down to put on the poster later, got it?" I sighed a sigh of un-amusement, and did an un-enthusiastic 'roger that' sign with my hand.

"Got it, Chief," I said. Not making any eye-contact with her, whatsoever.

"Mikuru, you'll make the posters when Kyon's done, okay?"

"Y-Yes, Miss Suzumiya!" Mikuru whimpered determinedly. She is so cut-

"Miss Suzumiya, what shall I do?" Koizumi even interrupted my narration!

"Hm.. that's right. Koizumi, you'll be with Nagato. When the rest of the team is done with their parts, you two will hang up the posters around the school." Koizumi only nodded along with Nagato. As the room fell silent, I felt the need to get questions I had in my mind over with. I went up to Haruhi and asked her if she would tell me her prefrences in a guy.

"No, of course not! I can't tell you that!" Haruhi yelled at me.

"What? Then how am I going to write down what you like in a guy?"

"By following me around all day, of course! Just spend a day with me, and write down whatever I like! You're a guy, you need to know these things, anyway!" Haruhi grinned and laughed.

...Oh, . NO. I am **not** spending a day with this.. with this.. PSYCHO! ..but then again.. can I really say no?


	5. Emotions Shifting the World

So... yeah. It seems I have to spend time with this nut-job. But you know what? Whatever. I've got nothing better to do, anyways.

Haruhi told me to meet her at the cafe where the SOS Brigade always eats at 4 o'clock. But to avoid irritating lectures about being "late" from her, I decided to make a smart decision and arrive at three-thirty. As I left my house, my little sister decided to give me some words of... advice. "Don't make Haruhi-chan mad, Kyon!" my little sister growled, puffing up her cheeks. "Or you'll face the wrath of Shamiseeeen!" And in case you readers didn't know, Shamisen is our talking cat. Yes. Talking.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, kiddo," I said as I ruffled her hair. As I started to head outside I ran into an unexpected (and unwanted) surprise.

"Kyon," the irritatingly persistant Esper smiled. "Hello."

"Oh, Koizumi," I started, tossing my pack over my shoulder. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I came to speak with you about your date with Miss Suzumiya."

"Okay, first of all, it's not a date, and secondly, could we possibly hurry this up? I need to be there by four o'clock."

"Oh? But it's only three-fifteen. You've got time, Kyon. Don't worry." I rolled my eyes as slumped down on the bench outside my house. Koizumi sitting down like a pretty princess.

"So, what's this all about?" I asked.

"Well, you need to know something about this little date, Kyon."

"Ugh, for the last time, it's not a-"

"Yes, I know." HE INTERRUPTED ME AGAIN! "Anyways, you need to know that after you accepted her invitation," I wouldn't really call it an invitation since she didn't really give me a choice. "the world has suddenly... shifted."

I raised one of my eyebrows as I set my pack on the ground next to me. "...shifted, huh? Like how?"

"Well, for instance, the oil spill in Mexico has not only vanished _completely_, but there seems to be absolutely no trace of it even occuring at all."

"So? What does this have to do with our date?" As soon as I said that, my eyes grew wide and my face turned a bright red. "Wait- no- I didn't mean-"

Koizumi smiled smugly. "Oh, so it _is_ a da-"

"IT'S NOOOOOOOOTTT!"

"Okay! Okay! Haha, calm down, Kyon. I was only kidding," Koizumi chuckled. Little bastard. "Anyways, don't you see, Kyon? It's because of Miss Suzumiya's happy feelings and emotions that the world is suddenly fixing itself." Koizumi stood up from his side of the bench, and stared at the sunny sky. "...Miss Suzumiya is extremely happy about today... you can tell just by looking around you. The birds chirping, the blue sky, the colorful flowers booming... it's all so happy."

"Yeah, I guess... so.. you came all the way over here... just to tell me that?"

Koizumi hesitated for a bit, suddenly shifting his eyes to the ground. "...no," he mumbled. "I came to tell you that..." he suddenly turned around to look at me, his expression suddenly serious. "...If you mess up this date... the world might just..." I stood up, putting a hand on Koizumi's shoulder.

"I got it. You don't need to force yourself to tell me, if you don't want to. I understand what I need to do," I said as I let go of his shoulder, picked up my pack, and headed towards the cafe.

"Goodluck, Kyon."


	6. You're Late, Miss Suzumiya!

Oh god.. what if I mess this up? Oh jeez... This is a lot of weight to put on my shoulders, you know! As I neared the cafe, I took a deep breath in. "Okay Kyon," I said to myself. "You know what you need to do... you need to just... cater to her every whim, that's all." Suddenly, my face blanked. "Oh, so all I have to do is act like I do everyday? Oh joy."

- **POV CHANGE: Suzumiya, Haruhi -**

"Hiiii-yah!" I yelled, karate chopping the air. "You see that, Yuki?** THAT'S **what I'm going to do to Kyon if he pisses me off today, haha!"

"...that looks impressive," Yuki answered in her usual monotonous voice. Although, she's probably just shy. Or intimidated by me. I mean, who wouldn't be!

"C'mon, Yuki! Try it with me! I didn't invite you over so you could just sit there and play that- that- videogame! ..Ugh, come here!" I took Yuki's hand and stood her up next to me. "..okay, see, all you have to do is gather up all your energy and... KAPOOOW!" I karate chopped the closest thing to me. ..which unfortunately was a wooden chair. "...ouchie," I whimpered, hiding my pain.. and my hurt hand. "N-Now you try, Yuki." I watched as Yuki slowly approached an apple sitting on my dinning table. "Oh are you hungry?"

"...Negative." Suddenly, Yuki chopped the apple right in half! It was unbelievable!

"Whoa, Yuki!" I exclaimed. "That was impressive! You've gotta teach me that sometime!"

"Sure." Yuki then suddenly shifted her glance to the clock on my colorful wall. "Miss Suzumiya.." Yuki started, pointing to the clock that read "3:56".

"Hm? What abou.." Then suddenly, I remembered. "AAAHHH! K-Kyon! The cafe! I totally forgot! Hey, thanks, Yuki! I owe you one!" I can't believe I forgot about today! I've been thinking about it all week! N-Not for any reason, though..! ..**WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE. **"Later!" As I headed out the door, I had forgotten to pack my wallet. "Oh, darn it! Wait- Ugh, I don't have any time! It's already 3:58!" It took me about ten minutes to sprint to the cafe, but even with all my awesome efforts, I arrived at 4:15.

"Huh?" said Kyon, turning around. His confused face suddenly turned into a wry smile. "Heh, you're late, Miss Suzumiya," Kyon said, irritatingly mocking me.

"Shut it, Kyon. No one needs your sarcasm," I said, walking past him. My head high up in the air as usual. He's always so annoying. ..but today.. I dunno.. I just wanna make everything perfect. I don't know why. And I'm also not so sure if I care. "So," I started. I turned around, placing my hands on my hips. "Where are we going, anyway?"

Kyon shoved his hands in his pockets of that ratty old sweater he always wears, and looked up towards the cloudless sky. He better not say something boring or sentimental! "It's such a beautiful day. It'd be a shame to waste, really. Why don't we go somewhere where we can enjoy the sun?" He turned to look at me, pointing at the small waterpark accross the street of the cafe.

"Huh? Kyon, you idiot, why would we go to a_ kiddie _park?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"Hm? Well, why not? It's the perfect place. My sister always drags me here on days like this."

I hesitated for a bit, scanning the area. I puckered my lips in a pouting fashion, crossed my arms, and tapped my foot. Was he serious? Sure, it was summer, and it was hot, but a kiddie park? "But.. I don't have a swimsuit.. How will we fully enjoy the water?" Kyon simply smiled, and gestured to follow him accross the street. I followed him. For the first time, there was a silence. I could hear my footsteps synchronizing with his. When we arrived, placed his pack in a little red cubby, and took his shoes off. I watched him as he rolled up the bottom of his pants a couple times; he also did the same with his sleeves. He then looked at me. Why do I feel odd? I feel fuzzy.. I can usually just say anything I want.. spurting out insult after insult. But right now.. my chest feels tight..

"Hm?" Kyon said as he looked up at the sky. "Oh, man, clouds are forming.. Ya' think it's going to rain?"

"H-Hm?" I hadn't been listening to a word he'd been saying. I was too busy thinking about this... hazy feeling in my stomach.

"I said, do you think it's going to rain?"

"Wh-What? **No!** It _can't_ rain! I've been waiting for this day all-" I suddenly stopped. What was I _saying?_

Kyon raised his eyebrow, and continued on. "Okaaay.. I was only asking. No need to get so worked up about it. Why don't you roll up your sleeves too? You're already wearing capris so no need to worry about those. I'll be over there by the water station." As he left, I slumped down into a bench and buried my face in my hands.

"Ugh, what's wrong with me? I don't normally act this way.." I paused for a moment, then I stood up straight and tall, like I normally do. "HUH, I KNOW! I'm just a little dehydrated, that's all. Phew! All this heat is_ really _getting to me. I better-"

"Hey, Weirdo," Kyon called out, then bringing the cup of ice cold water to his lips. "You gonna continue talking to yourself, or are you gonna come over here? It's kinda hot to be out there in the sun like that." Hmph! _Me_? A _weirdo_? **Impossible!**

"Quit your nagging, Kyon! I'm comin', I'm comin'!" I walked over to him as quickly as possible to avoid any more weird.. talking-to-myself moments.


End file.
